What happens in London stays in London

As I touched ground at Heathrow I once again landed the role of the most good looking person in the country. Easily done when you are a Swede.

I was greeted by a true English gentleman with the manners that comes with it:

-Darling, he said and kissed me on the cheeks.

He took my bag and led me to the car. My Swedish cold heart melted; darling and kisses on the cheeks at the same time! How I’ve missed it. No one ever calls me darling in Sweden. Only in England.

Well it was like I never had left, but I did. It felt like I’d been to Sweden for a three week holiday and was now back, ready to put the kettle on in my kitchen and make myself a cupa. But I didn’t have a kitchen to make tea in.

A black cab, with all that leg room, drove us to a club. I drank too much Dom Perignon whilst everyone else was checking out the hot Swedish bum (belonging to me) on the dance floor. Only in England.

The next day when I woke up I called room service and had breakfast in bed watching breakfast TV. Same program, same people, same everything.

When I finished breakfast I jumped in the shower. I was very surprised by the pressure of the shower, it was better then my shower at home in perfect Sweden! And there were no signs of mould anywhere in the bathroom. I pinched myself to see if I was dreaming, but I was there alright. Things are looking up for England, well at least if you staying at the No 1 voted luxury hotel in the UK, as we do.

I left the hotel with all eyes on me as I strutted through the lobby. The doorman opened the door and I walked outside and almost got run over as I didn’t look the right way when crossing the road.

As my feet walked on the streets they knew so well, I let the dirty air fill my lungs as I was walking along Park Lane on my way to Selfridges. There I was once again in the city I had missed so much, and it felt so good.

It would be so easy to just move back, but a few days visit is quite enough for now. It’s so easy to forget all the drama that comes along with living in a country that still believes in cheques and carpets, when you are only there for a long weekend with focus on Champagne and shopping.

I’m now back in Sweden and of course in bed with a terrible cold. I blame England. The strange way English people looks at central heating would make anyone ill. What’s the point of putting the heating on full blast for an hour in the morning when you are in bed, sweating, and then turn it off and be cold for the rest of the day? Of course it makes you ill.

Whenever my Swedish friends visited me when I was living in London, they always got ill. By the time it was time for them to leave I left them with a packet of Day and Night nurse for the road.

I think when you live in England you get so used to always being cold so your body somehow manage, but since I’ve been back to Sweden my body couldn’t handle it.

A little tip from Sweden: let the central heating be on all the time during the winter months. Yes, that is right: all the time. This way your house/flat is warm 24/7, not too hot or too cold. Just lagom. It won’t be as expensive as you think, as you don’t have to warm up a freezing cold house every morning.

For you that don’t have central heating, I’m sorry to say there is no help for you, you are doomed to live in misery.

2 Responses to “What happens in London stays in London”

  1. Peter Says:

    I am wondering if this blog is a complete wind-up? It is hard to imagine anybody being that conceited about themself and their country without it being tongue in cheek.

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