Archive for March 4th, 2008


March 4, 2008

I’m (a) slut. Yes I am!

In Swedish slut means exhausted/over/finished/the end/closed. Me and everything else is slut, big time. Gosh I am slut.

Being back in Paradise I already miss:

Being called darling in Sainsbury’s
No one will ever call me “love” when I’m paying for loo rolls in Konsum.

Being 1 of 7500000
I’m now 1 of 100000. Everyone knows each other in Stockholm. It’s a bit strange.
I forgot that Stockholm is so small. It takes 10min on the tube from the city to my friend who lives in the suburbs.

Being the most good looking person in a country
It was very good for my self-confidence to live in England for so long. Here in Sweden, the country of babes, everyone looks just like me.

They have a pill or a cream for everything. You can go in and say: Hi I have a tummy ache and my pinky toe is hurting on my left foot, and they will have a pill for it. Amazing!

Bus 137

Clapham Common (my hood)

English TV programmes
We don’t have chavs in Sweden so “Ladette to a Lady” would never work here. And all properties are already done up to the best living standard available so no “Property ladder” either.

Home delivery of Take Aways
Doesn’t exist in Sweden. England 1 – Sweden 0.

My flat/home
It hurts so much…

My lovely, lovely neighbours
They arranged tea parties, popped a lot of champagne corks on more then one occasion and we cried together when I left. I don’t think I’ll ever have neighbours like the ones I had in No 47.

Clubs in London are by far much better then the ones you will find in Sweden. Don’t be too surprised if you see me dancing on the tables in a club in South Kensington very soon, probably eating lobster too (not at the same time). It’s what I do these days of unemployment. Very naughty!

Pheasant hunting (of course)

Posh People
There are no people that can be as posh as the Brits. You are so sweet with your accents, titles, foxhunting and red trousers. I’ll never become a Lady now.


Speaking English
It feels very weird that everyone around me is talking Swedish. I’m still talking English especially when I drink too much.

This is some of the words I’ve used in Swinglish much to the amusement of my Swedish friends:
*Skinncancer – skin cancer
*Nätgardin – net curtain (no one has net curtains in Sweden so it doesn’t really matter)
*Ockuperad – occupied; possessed, obsessed (du har ju varit ockuperad på senaste tiden)
*Ta ett annat glas [vin] – Have another glass
*Fräsch – fresh (limpan är fräsch)
*Du är välkommen – you are welcome (varsågod)
*Sätta upp – set up (Sätta upp ett företag)
*Stanna – stay (vi stannade alltid på det hotellet)

On my last day at work my boss announced that the corner of the office where I used to sit will be forever Sweden.

I left England on the 29th of February. Just before I left I saw myself in the mirror standing there with a Hermès scarf around my neck, the new Louis Vuitton belt and my favourite pair of Tod’s on my feet. I thought: I am a snob, I am Swedish.