Sitting at the hairdresser getting my hair done for the party I’m going to, we talk about England. Both me and the hairdresser have lived there for some years.
-If you take ten English girls and line them up, nine of them will be dead ugly and one of them will be good looking, the hairdresser says.
-If you on the other hand take ten Swedish girls and line them up, nine of them will be beautiful and one of them will be average, he continues.
Well what can I say?
If I close my eyes I can feel the cold air inside the flat and I hear cars and people walking on the street outside the window. A lot of candles are lit, as I’m thinking they might give some heat. Its dark outside, the TV is on, I’m on the sofa; alone.
If I open my eyes I feel warm, it’s silent and dark outside, the TV is off, I’m on different sofa and I’m not alone.
Something has happened to the tube in Stockholm. All of a sudden the recorded announcements are in both Swedish and English. Sweden goes all international but they take it too far and it annoys me.
-Nästa Hötorget, a Swedish recorded voice says.
-Next stop Hötorget, an English recorded voice says but with a perfect Swedish pronunciation of Hötorget.
If a non Swedish speaking person wants to get off at Hötorget and this person hear an announcement saying “nästa Hötorget” isn’t possible that this person will understand that he/she is getting off at the next stop? Does this person really need to hear it in English?
There are digital screens in the tube where you can read Hötorget so even if you think “nästa Hötroget” sounds like Greek, you’ll probably understand you are getting off next by looking at the screens.
And the annoying recorded voice carries on with: “Please mind the gap”. What gap? There is no gap to mind. We are in Stockholm not London. And this announcement is only in English, not Swedish.
When you go on the tube in London you will be notified to”mind the gap” and there is a reason for this; there is a huge gap between the train and the platform. Your life is at risk! In Stockholm if you try really hard you might loose your stamp if you drop it between the train and the platform.
Please just stop this nonsense.
I’m recruiting my very own assistant at the moment and one of the candidates I interviewed have worked and lived in the UK for a couple of years, and when I asked why she decided to move back to Sweden she answered:
-Sometimes you just want to have a bath without the trouble of having hot water, or any water at all!
I told her I knew what she meant since I just moved back from the lovely Kingdom that we Swedes like to call “one of the riches developing countries in the world”.
I might recruit her. I know she can handle stress and difficult situations, she lived in the UK! There is nothing more stressful then that. I’ve been there. We could talk about carpets, damp, cheques and the hosepipe ban on our lunch break and other stuff that we don’t miss, and of course about the stuff we do miss.
After the interview I got back to my desk and found a new e-mail from my ex (English) boss. His e-mail started with “hello darling”, followed by “a class A twat” and ended with “much love”. You need to be an Englishman to write a masterpiece like that. I want more e-mails starting with darling and ending with much love. Swedes don’t write like that. We start with Hej and end with //Lisa.
Later that evening I called my friend Liz in London but I couldn’t get through to her so I sent her a text. She replied 10 minutes later: “Try again. Was in tube.” I smiled. Of course mobiles don’t work in the tube in London. I was calling her from the tube by the way. But I on the other hand live in Sweden.
I called Liz to thank her for the packet she sent me containing Tampax compact, Day Nurse and Strepsils. I can’t get it in Sweden, there is no Boots here. I can now have a cold and my period. Great, looking forward to it..!
 | Lisa on 2 100 000 |
 | Reshmi on 2 100 000 |
| Lisa on Hibernation |
 | Meghan on Hibernation |
 | Flamekebab on “You know you are Swedish… |
