“You know you are Swedish when…”

 

  1. You go seriously sentimental when entering an IKEA store, outside the borders of Sweden.

  2. You secretly love the Eurovision Song Contest to pieces.

  3. Whenever discussing international problems you always, without exception state that “why don’t you do it like we do it in Sweden?”

  4. You have serious difficulties crossing the street when there is a red light. Even when there are no cars.

  5. You get guilty conscience from throwing things in the dustbin that could have been recycled.

  6. You take your shoes off when entering a house.

  7. You find the ads for Coca Cola during Christmas completely useless since no one would consider drinking any other soft drink than “julmust” during Christmas anyway.

  8. You have a summerhouse in the countryside.

  9. Making fun of Norway is a national institution. And vise versa.

  10. You are obsessed with health issues. Everything is bad unless it comes from Sweden, in which case its ok.

  11. You find it normal to have to go to a special store that is owned by the government, that’s only open during daytime to buy a bottle of wine, or other alcoholic beverages.

  12. You split the check by the exact penny after eating at a restaurant.

  13. You thought wall-to-wall carpets were a concept of the past or the ferries to Finland/Estonia/Germany/Denmark. Then you went abroad and realised that you were wrong.

  14. You find the idea of wall-to-wall carpets in bathrooms and toilets simply appalling.

  15. You consider Sweden the best place on earth and that Swedes are the most intelligent and beautiful people in the world.

  16. You have been accused of being from Switzerland. Repeatedly.

  17. You just love singing “snapsvisor” while drinking any kind of alcohol.

  18. You would never use public transportation without a valid ticket.

  19. You generally consider the pre-party better than the night out in a club that follows.

  20. You look forward all year for August when you get to gather your friends, put on stupid paper hats, drink vodka, sing and eat crayfish.

  21. You always go “That’s not REAL snow” whenever it snows in countries that usually don’t get snow.

  22. It’s raining and you hear yourself say your grandmother’s wise words, “There is no bad weather, just bad clothes”

  23. You constantly have to point out that not EVERYONE in Sweden is blonde, in fact you add that most people are not.

  24. IKEA is home away from home.

  25. You find it OBVIOUS that a mile is 10 kilometers.

  26. You consider it tradition to get wasted and dance around a giant penis symbol stuck in the ground every summer.

  27. You think it’s perfectly normal to pay over 50 % of your income in taxes.

  28. You go to the downtown during a Sunday and don’t expect to meet a single soul during a 30-minute walk.

  29. You think its completely normal to at least have studied one year of German, one year of French and one year of Spanish.

  30. You know almost every other country in the world as well as most capital cities, or have at least studied this for a Geography test.

  31. Every time you see a Swedish brand/actor/company/phone/car/furniture store you feel compelled to point that out to your friends (with badly hidden pride in your voice).

  32. You find teenage mums shocking and very strange; because you don’t know anyone who had a child before 25, and you thought that was young.

  33. Lösgodis (pick ‘n’ mix) becomes more desirable than cigarettes.

  34. Your parents pay you every month for not eat candy for a year (or so)

  35. You in pure disgust try to tell your fellow peers that it’s basic human behavior to shower after PE and they look at you like you come from a different planet.

  36. People say your name in fifty different ways, but no one can get it right.

  37. You just love to ‘fika’, and know that it is an activity that is meant to last for hours and is not the equivalent of going for a coffee.

  38. You instinctively spot ‘Swedes’ from a distance just based on looks and what they’re wearing.

  39. You think going to the pub for a drink is a waste of time if you’re not going to get drunk.

  40. You brag about the free healthcare and the free school system to every non-Swede that you have a political conversation with.

  41. You have absolutely no idea what is meant by” Swedish massage” that keeps being advertised as a hot item in spas all over the world.

  42. You’re not in Sweden you miss the hotdog stands where you can get a hotdog with shrimp salad when you have been out partying!

  43. You celebrate Easter and Christmas a day before most other countries.

  44. You know that real Easter eggs are not made of chocolate; they’re made of paper and filled with pick’n’mix (lösgodis)

  45. Easter means decorating some twigs in a vase with colored feathers, eating herring and painted eggs, and of course, dressing up as a witch and knocking on random neighbors’ doors in hope of getting some candy.

  46. You feel bad if you’re not outside on a sunny day.

  47. You find it completely normal, when going to a pre-party (förfest) everyone has their Systembolaget-kasse in the fridge and notoriously keep track of which liquor is their liquor!

35 Responses to ““You know you are Swedish when…””

  1. Liz Says:

    Oh boy, I do miss you so so so much!! xxx

  2. ida Says:

    Ny skandinavisk cafe i London!
    they don’t have hotdogs with scrimp salad… would probably scare the potential british clientele away…. but they do have hotdogs and they do have scrimp salad, so maybe they’ll do a special for you!
    http://www.scandikitchen.co.uk/

  3. Lisa Says:

    Thanks Ida. Will definitely visit Scandinavian Kitchen. Looks great!
    If someone gave me a hot dog with mash and scrimp salad, and a little bit of girllkrydda I would be the happiest person in the world! I really would.

  4. Jejlan Says:

    Ikeakatalogen 2008 has been released :-). Haven´t got it yet, but can see it on ikea.se

  5. Lisa Says:

    Thank god its here!

  6. Jejlan Says:

    I got my catalogue today :-)

  7. Tina Says:

    48. You get very drunk in a bar, chat to lots of strangers, jump into a black cab and nick some poor soul’s ride!
    ;-)

  8. Julie Says:

    48. When a stranger smiles and says hello to you, you automatically assume that (s)he must be a deranged stalker!

  9. Julie Says:

    That was 49, sorry! :)

  10. Lisa Says:

    Well if you been living in England for as long as I did, you just assume that (s)he thinks you are drop-dead gorgeous, because you know you are!

  11. Flamekebab Says:

    It’s eerie how exactly this list matches my behaviour. I don’t like Eurovision though and I rarely brag about free healthcare (although I think it..).

    I’m not sure whether to be pleased or not about that!

  12. Johan Says:

    We have put together a list of a few simple rules to make your adjustment to the Swedish customs easier:

    Never pet the polar bears.

    Never pet a moose in heat.

    Short brunets and red heads wearing dark brown or red clothing are likely left wing-activists. If you tell them you are from South America they will pat your head and talk to you as if you were a child. If you tell them you are from the US they will shout at you and blame you for EVERYTHING. Never pet them.

    You can tell the level of fervour of the feminists on the nuance of red in their clothing. Pink is the happy-go-lucky-ones that is a pleasure to be around. Those who wear red are more hard core and might try to might hurt you if you corner them. Stay away from the ones who don a deep purple.

    Fat people wearing brightly coloured clothes are German tourists. They are to be despised for no apparent reason.

    People who do not recycle are considered deranged and may be shot at sight.

    If someone gives you money or does you a favour, or if anything good should happen to you just by chance, always alert the tax authority at once. You are liable for tax aviation.

    Orange/pink people wearing pink or light blue shirt and sporting greasy hairdos are called brats. You can pet them all you want, they’ll love it. Don’t feed them though or you’ll never get rid of them.

    If anything should happen to you or to someone you know or if you happen to do something yourself, always update your Facebook status.

    If anything bad should happen to you, you should immediately call up any authority and complain. That usually makes it go away. If not, at least it will make you feel better. If it doesn’t go away and you don’t feel better write to a newspaper and complain about tax payers’ money being wasted.

    The snaps is not actually poisonous. It’s only designed to taste like poison to keep the murder-your-best-friend-while-drunk-prone Swedes from drinking them self insane.

    When it comes to coffee the rule is: insanely strong is not almost strong enough. If you can see the bottom of the spoon through the coffee it is too weak and the brewer is possibly, foreign, gay or a “tee drinker”.

    Never ever communicate a feeling directly to another human being. This will make them loose their mind. Feelings are communicated through suddle signals such as: grabbing a boob (love) or sitting down in some ones lap and not leaving, ever (also love). Not laughing at jokes (hatred) or being quiet for a moment after greeting one another (also hatred or love and crippling shyness. This one makes for some hundred million silly misunderstandings yearly).

    If someone looks uninterested they are always very interesting.

  13. Kiara Says:

    i plan on going to sweden soon are there anytips i should know?
    I’m mixed im polish,black,and japanese
    mom was japanese
    daddy was polish and black
    is there anything i should know no how to talk to swedish people
    i must add im not big on conversation japanese don’t speak much we are not to be seen nor heard thats how i was taught at home.

  14. Lisa Says:

    Sweden is a very big country so it really depends on where you are going. If you don’t want to talk go up north they are not big on conversations either.

    Welcome, when you do come.

  15. Rasmus Says:

    You know you’re Swedish when you make a blog about Sweden in English that only Swedes ever care to read.

  16. Lisa Says:

    Rasmus, you are wrong. When I first started to write this blog I had more English readers then Swedish.

  17. Annika Says:

    Insanely funny! Both the post an Johans comment with rules… Haha!

  18. sara Says:

    “You consider Sweden the best place on earth and that Swedes are the most intelligent and beautiful people in the world.”

    -thats scary. explains a lot about the xenophobia in sweden.

  19. Swedish Says:

    Omg… Thats so my mum.

  20. erik Says:

    “You would never use public transportation without a valid ticket.”

    Och det är därför planka.nu har +20’000 fans på facebook?

  21. Jennie Says:

    erik: Planka.nu består ju av vansinniga anarkister! ;)
    Givetvis finns det en hel del människor på vilka varje påstående inte passar in. Det är så att säga en effekt av att man gör en generalisering. 20 000 personer är trots allt inte en majoritet i Sverige, utan en ganska liten minoritet. Jag ägnar mig inte åt kräftskivor heller och har aldrig gjort, det innebär inte att det inte är svenskt att göra det.

  22. Victoria Says:

    15, “..Sweden the best place on earth”. Hm. Not according to me. I live in Sweden, and I can’t WAIT to get out of here! Sorry, but I kinda hate it here. And seriously- the winters- it’s a miracle we’re still alive.

  23. Lisa Says:

    Wait until you’ve seen the other side. Welcome back.

  24. Celine Says:

    “You consider Sweden the best place on earth and that Swedes are the most intelligent and beautiful people in the world.”

    Not true.

  25. Lisa Says:

    Very true.

  26. Nelly Says:

    Oh dear this made me giggle so hard! Amaing stuff, keep it up :)

  27. Josefine Says:

    Just to make things right I’m from the the north of Sweden and we do like conversations and we do talk a lot :)

  28. Lucas N Says:

    4 and 5 dont apply if you live in Stockholm. =)

  29. Aino Andriessen Says:

    lol, although most of it can also be applied to Denmark too.

  30. Tony Says:

    48. you think “how you doing” (in the states) is a real question.

  31. Alex Says:

    “15 You consider Sweden the best place on earth and that Swedes are the most intelligent and beautiful people in the world.”
    Even though many swedes think so, they keep quiet about it to not seem racist and because of the rules not many claims to follow, but still do: jantelagen…

  32. David Says:

    OK, we now have an IKEA within 10 miles (which is apparently 100Km) so there is no excuse for not visiting us in Colorado!

  33. Nyarlathotep Says:

    I consider my fellow swedes to be some of the most vain and foolish people I’ve ever met. Blind to how enslaved they are by their traditions, and traditional ways of thinking. This is ofc a generalization, it does by all means not apply to everyone. The greatest problem here, is how blindly we have trusted our system and the things we’ve been taught in our schools.

    We are indoctrinated, and unable see anything outside of our narrow perspectives.

    These problems have been considerably reduced in later years, but along with it rises a new problem. The typical american attitude, one I will honestly say I share a great deal in: “I don’t care”.

    Cause honestly I find it very hard to do so, I’ve got little or no motivation, though I think(probably cause I want to think the best of myself), that this is due to an increase in wisdom, qoute: “Motivation is the price of wisdom. Wise people are full of doubts and have very little, if any conviction, some even lack fear to motivate them.”

    I will however not be so blind and puffed up as to say that I believe this be my only reason. I’m most certainly being selfish, puffed up and reckless in my lack of concern. (please do add other flaws you notice).

    Sorry about the exteremly long and booring post /B.R Nyarla.

    PS: Jo, jag är svensk och jag för gärna en kort dialog för att bevisa det.

  34. Lisa Says:

    Say what?!

  35. Lisa Wållberg Says:

    Känner igen det mesta i den här posten från ‘You know you are from Sweden when…’-gruppen på facebpok som jag och min vän Esther satte ihop. De första ca hundra posterna på orginallistan var skrivna av mig själv men det började sen komma in så många förslag att vi började renskriva/edit allihopa och till sist var listan galet lång och gruppen hade +40 000 medlemmar. Det var tider det.

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